All pages filed under "streaming"
Words are amazing things. Using words we can illuminate, educate, enhance, exasperate, decimate and more. We have, of late
all learnt that words we used a decade or more ago are no longer acceptable in general society and so we learn newer words to describe things.
I say newer though most are far older than the shorter, often insulting words we used later in human history. We do this not because
we are inhibiting others but rather we are freeing them by not placing undue limits upon them. We are not black or white, we are
neither stupid nor too smart for our own good. We are all on the spectrum in some way or another and so we, or at least I, learn
to use other expressions that define with more clarity than before. Someone is not just gay, they can be many things that one word
covered twenty years ago and was never enough. Someone else is not just disabled, they are inpaired in a wholly different way than the next person
with a disability.
I, as a streamer feel that whilst I am no vanguard of humanity I do hold a certain responsibility to people who watch my streams and as such
I choose to give them a safer place to be. A place where they can, if they so wish, express themselves to others without being name called
or shamed in some way, be it verbally or other and because of this I draw lines in the sand that you cross at your own peril. This is my World
and like it or not, my rules. I like to think my rules are just based around common decency for others. I will warn you and if you
continue you shall be treated like you choose to treat others, with disdain.
Today, in my stream that line was crossed. Two people were banned. I do not time-out, I warn then they go or apoligise and move on. I do not
time-out because it is a pointless excercise in futility. If you are homophobic or a mysoginist, if you choose to hate or degrade then me
or my mods timing you out will not change your behaviour. If anything it will only increase your hostility as someone dares to challenge your
outdated operandi modus and so, we ban. We cut you off, we forget about you, you cease to exist in our World and your hatred has less room
to fester and propogate. Too all of those who dislike this, we do not care. We care even less that you end up caring more about being silenced.
Words are amazing things. You can use them how you wish and you have and always will have the abillity to use them as you wish. Just remember,
we have the ability to use ours in the same way. We have the ability and right to ignore your hate or misplaced hostility.
I draw my line in the sand on all of your words. I draw a line at homophobics. I draw a line at racism. I draw a line at mysoginism and
I draw a line at insulting those who are inpaired physically or mentally.
Move along.
It seems I am no longer a variety streamer… I guess I am a retro variety streamer now? Its a little depressing to be honest.
So, looking at my viewing figures it would appear that people only come to watch me if I stream retro gamnes, aka PS3 and down. Now whilst that
is not the worst thing to happen in regard to my Twitch stream there are moments when I either cannot think what retro to play or I fancy
something modern… and on the very rare occasion I simply don’t want to play anything old. What is the problem I hear you ask? Why
are worried about viewers? Play what you want! There is a point in streaming that, if you wish to take it seriously, that it just doesn’t work that way.
I can, and have streamed for 5-10 people and at the start of all this that was fine. You have to grow, nobody can just walk in and suddenly hit a magical
number that says you “made it” but after a long period (think years not months) you start to expect a little more and I have reached that period. I stream
for many reasons including community, education, enjoyment and… growth. I want to grow. I want to reach more people. I crave, nay, thrive on the feedback and
interaction with others. It shows on my streams. When I get real feedback and conversation I relax, slip in to calm mode and really enjoy myself. You cannot, or at least I
cannot do this with 5 viewers.
I am not being disparaging to those who do stream to a handful, I am merely stating that I want more, I expect more and I honestly think I deserve more in a non-egotistical way.
I worked bloody hard to 40-50 and when that turns to under 10 overnight due to the game I play, well it hits me hard right in the feels. I feel like I am wasting my time and
when that happens I ponder why I am bothering and so, I am forcing myself to only play retro, preferably on real hardware from this point onwards.
What is really strange to me is the fact that I have been pushed in to a corner with this. I know of other streamers who get boxed and packaged as a “Siege Streamer” etc
but never suspected for one minute I’d only be entertaining if I was playing old shit! I guess old streamer, old systems? I have always identified as a variety streamer, I
could never limit myself to one system or genre of game and whilst that is still true it feels slightly enforced at the moment and that is something I will have to live with, or quit… for real this time! lol.
So, I begin yet another chapter in my streaming years. So many years… Haha! I am not down about it, I am disapointed but not in the people who watch, or do not watch in this case. I am
disapointed in myself that I don’t have enough character to pull off being a true variety streamer. Maybe it’s my own fault for being so damn good at retro? yeah, let us go with that so I
keep the smile :)
This week I have been mostly…
Playing one tune over and over and over! Duel by Propaganda from around 1985-1986 has been the Hitch fuel of
choice this past week. All because of an Amiga Public Domain game of which the name completely escapes me now!
Public Domain, for those unaware is probably the mainstay of many an Amiga users survival throughout its heyday
and beyond. PD disks were around 50p to a pound back in the UK from the late 80s to the late 90s and sadly died
when the Amiga started to fade away as nothing more than nostalgia. Today from what I can tell the PD scene never
was revived despite the small revival amongst certain retro fans of the Amiga.
PD disks were packed from anything to random programs, currated games and demos and even mags on a disk (we can talk about those later).
There were many but perhaps the most well known currated versions were Fred Fish and Assassins, the latter being
my reasons for the tune by Propaganda this past few days. You took your blanks and paid a little less or you bought the
disks from that slightly shady guy who lived with his mum who could also provide you with less… legit disks, floppy or CD.
PD however was mostly extremely legit and legal. People often sent in programs they had written to the guys at say Assassin who
compiled them in to this weeks or this months latest collection, copied it on the disks and sold it on. The cost was merely to
cover the basics. No-one made money from these when doing pure PD and if they did it was merely luck not a method to fleece anyone.
There are many great PD games and programs too, from Trackers to the wonders of Scorched Earth and Gravity Force 2 (my personal favourite).
An awful lot of the games were multiplayer based and so got used a hell of a lot back in the day at various computer clubs
and living rooms. Quite a few PD devs even made fully released games as either an outlet or side hobby and it was
even a way to become one of those bedroom coders who could break out and become the next Codemasters.
I have a lot of nostalgia for the Amiga and thinking back, most of it is based around PD disks, BBS boards and the Shareware
scenes, something sadly lacking today that many a new console or computer user shall never experience and in my opinion are far
worse off for never having.
For any interested I am currently streaming some PD disks, Mags on a Disk and other similiar items on my Twitch. Some
of you may even know where to find it, for those that do not… Read back a little :)
For the record, I listened to Duel 5 times whilst writing this post.
As many know I have one or two retro systems… This means I often ignore some because I either forget, cannot be arsed or simply never get around to it.
Yesterday, after making a promise to viewers I pulled my Wii out to play Gamecube games and make sure it was all working. Part of the reason I haven’t done it
for a long time is that its a wire hell with external HDDs and the like due to it being softmodded, aka run pirate games digitally. This is now fixed
and I can run all GC games from the internal SD Card. Now the card is only 32gigs but given there are not that many GC games I care about
this is more than enough for now. I am without Wii games though and this needs to be fixed to run the same way, something I will do at a later date.
The actual moving of files went well with no real hassle bar the game IDs because I used the old method which requires a game to be named after
its offial ID, aka GEMP01 instead of the actual name. This wasn’t hard, but was time consuming compared to the rest. The new method now has folders named
however you want, I use the game name because it makes sense, which makes life much easier. Surprisingly the NAND was intact and the Virtual Console games
also ran as intended so Mario 64 could also be a thing. Mario Kart 64 runs like ass though, why did anyone buy that on VC?
A cheap Wii2HDMI is also being used. I think it cost me like a fiver 2 years back and then I never used it. This, again, makes life easier with my new set-up detailed in another entry
in this blog. Plug in, turn on, play game, stream. Easy. Let the Nintendo streams begin!
Side news, also installed a EVO m2 SSD as my 2nd “drive” so back to normal storage space now. Amazingly it runs faster than my main SSD despite being on the
slower PCIe. Also, this blog needs pictures…
It’s upgrade time! Again!
So, as anyone that reads this and/or watches my streams will know both myself and Emma bought new PCs for Christmas based, for me, around gaming and streaming.
Well mine is getting a significant upgrade already when it comes to streaming. I am a huge fan of the Elgato Game Capture HD. I never have any real issues
with it and for retro and modern its great when using external consoles and computers. What its not good at is streaming from my actual PC. I use
one PC for streaming and gaming, using two is not worth the hassle given I also stream other things so as it was 1k NOK cheaper in the holiday sales
I grabbed a 4K60 Pro to go inside the PC. This won’t help my retro in the slightest but what it should let me do is stream anything from
my PC with virtually no extra overheads and have a lag free session on my monitor at the same time. I did the math! This will work!
I pick it up tomorrow with luck from the Post Office and it should be a quick install with little hassle. There is a possibility of software
conflict with my old Capture Card but despite what some think I do know what I am doing and should be able to sort it :) What does this mean for anyone watching me?
Well it should mean max framerates with everything on Ultra, including RTX which really does not like being screen captured. The test is in the tasting of course
so hopefully on Tuesday we get to find out as I push my system to its limits on the stream and try to break it. Proof that I am a nerd is that I am excited to see how
far I can go before it says “no!”.
I have been wanting to push more in to the modern games, especially the RTX stuff simply because its still fairly new and not many people have seen it. I also get to play my Retro in
ways I have never done before with the likes of Quake II RTX and more. Looking forward to some more Minecraft RTX too. Does this mean bye bye Retro? No! Nothing changes bar my ability to
play even more than I could before in the name of entertainment, or at least that is the plan.
See you with lush graphics on stream real soon!
Back, up and running. New PC is a dream to use and has been providing me with a plethora of new games and some old that I can now run in
ridiculous mode. Desk is super clean and I have loads of room and I am back streaming. No sign yet on that new job I am trying for and Christmas
is booked for a few weeks down south in the family home. Beyond that, very little has happened.
I have firmly decided I will keep streaming even if I get this job though on a cut down basis but as Emma tells me, I need the outlet. She is,
of course, correct. I think I also need the community I founded and have watched grow in to something I didn’t realise was so important to so many. Just
the thought of me closing it all and walking away (which was never going to happen by the way) has brought me support and well wishes that I
just did not expect but that warms me in some strange way so I am willing to accept it, humbly.
I feel that we, people in general, often fail to see the effect we have on others for good. Perhaps we get embarrassed or feel we do not deserve the praise
but for whatever reason we rarely notice it. We do notice the bad we cause though, or at least I have done in the past. And yes, of course I have affected people
the wrong way too, to say otherwise would be ignorant and egotistical… But regardless, the good is what I am focussing on here. I have been a force for good it seems.
I feel very silly typing this out but this is exactly why this is here so, ya know? Without getting all full of myself, I am very happy that some deem me worthy of praise
for some small efforts on my part to enhance, cheer, celebrate change and support people I meet. I feel happy enough to punch myself in the arm with a “you did OK”. That’s it though.
Now we can all carry on as if nothing happened, thank you very much.
Sorry for the lack of a blog for the past few days. I had to wait for tech support to get me back online with Visual Studio Code (what I use to do this blog) and… well, I have been playing
so many games i kinda forgot :)
Changing ones lifestyle is easy or hard? I am going with the latter but I do believe the hard part of both is that you have to want it. I want it.
This is not a depresing post, in-fact its the exact opposite even though some will see it as depressing and may even be concerned for my welfare. Do not be, I am fine.
For the past few weeks, maybe months, I have been considering downsizing my Retro Gaming collection. Now, when I say downsizing I mean actual, real, downsizing. I am hoping to aquire a new job, one I want to do for a change and if I get it
I will likely dump 90% of my gear. If I do not get the job then I am likely still going to dump a large percentage of my current gear. Maybe… We shall see. Just writing that line
has made me reconsider my possible future actions and that annoys me! See, I know that I want change but as already mentioned change can be hard.
Why do I want change is perhaps the more pertinant question I should ask myself and believe me, I have… a lot.
The answer I keep coming up with is not a satisfactory one. I want change because I want change. What? Can that be a reason? Can you change your life simply because you want to or do you need an actual reason for it?
It’s not like the change I want is fleeting and small. I want a new job. I want this specific job. I want to be outside more. I want to purchase a van and travel up and down the country with our bikes.
Those few, simple, points alone will drastically change how my average day rolls out from that satisifed feeling of doing a days work that you actually enjoyed to knowing I don’t have to be jovial and happy in the entertainment of others, something I enjoy
doing but it seems less so than I used to. Maybe I am just tired? I feel tired but then again I feel that this is much more than that. Perhaps I am tired because I need this change? I am over-thinking it now. I know this. I despise it when people say “you are just tired” Yes, I am tired of having my tiredness feel so inconsequential… sigh.
OK. First things first. I need to get this job. Pretty sure if I do or do not there will be something said about it in here.
I am sure some have noticed my lack of streaming lately. I think last week I managed two in a week that normaly contains five a week. Panic not… just yet anyway.
We all need a break in whatever we do, be it streaming, working (which streaming often feels like) or anything we do in life. Sometimes we just need a break. I need a break right now so I am taking it.
This is not to say there are no other reasons, there are. I have of late felt a little… Dark in the mind? Not depresed but tired. Tired on a mental level which in my opinion
is the hardest one to beat. Couple that with a tiredness of the body due to lack of excercise, dark nights, lack of sleep… oh I could go on but I won’t, and streaming is taking
a definitive back ring on the stove top of life. Heh, I like that. The stove top of life! Must remember to use that one again. There are other factors present that push my current interest to stream further away.
One is the new PC coming. Both myself and Emma are treating ourselves to a gaming desktop rig for Christmas and I have to say I am excited.
It’s been a long time since the concept of jonesing (having the latest thing) in computers caused anything inside me other than self hate but right now the thought of RTX, Gen4 PCIe, RGB Memory and the rest make me feel like
I did when I first started on the PC side. Back then it was a Voodoo and playing Quake 2 at full screen, full speed and realising I had downed a 6-pack of Coke and lost track of 8 hours straight.
This new excitment follows very similiar lines except this time around its large bottles of sugar free Coke and Quake 2 with added RTX to make it all pop. The irony is not lost on me that I will be playing a retro game from 1997 on a computer
that could emulate a computer playing Quake 2 on another computer and still have the CPU to send a dozen probes to Mars in real-time. I will also be playing Red Dead Redemption 2 though so its all good.
Where was I?
Oh yes. Streaming. See, this new rig is making me turn from my chosen gaming theme of retro to the more modern and as such you can expect a week, or much more, of modern game streams ran with RTX or 1440p (2K to anyone not anal) but the downside of this
is that I want to do it NOW! The new PC isn’t here yet though so… sad, and uninspired to stream anything else until that point. Fear not though retro people, I shall still stream everything bar the C64 but perhaps slightly less than previously. Will this affect viewing figures? For sure! Is that part of the reason for the streaming woes? Good grief no. I think I reached a point now where I stream for me rather than others. I already passed the point where I cared that someone was leaving my stream
because I didn’t do a certain thing (commodore fanbois, I see you hiding in the bushes gasping for breath) and I am so much happier for it. So yes. I will be back. It will be sooner rather than later and it will be featuring a lot more modern gaming
of the type I probably at some point said I wasn’t interested in. Things change. I change.
I still love you all though!