In Space Nobody Can Hear You... Die!

Mar 27, 2021 gaming

In Space Nobody Can Hear You… Die? Is a complete and utter lie! If playing the wonderful game of EVE Online anyway! Trust me, we all hear the whines and cries of the Carebear death as we drown in the tears of their failures. Harsh? I thought you were a nice guy!? Let me introduce myself before you judge.

I am Maestro Ulv. Teacher of Wolves. CEO of the space corporation Phaze-9. Friend to Ushra’Khan. Killer of the CVA. Warrior of AAA. Defender of The Great North War. Black Ops Stealth Specialist. Capital Ship Pilot and most importantly, Carebear Destroyer.

Basically if its been done in EVE, we and I have done it. Heck, we even mined to build our own ships or kill a systems market for our own abuse. I changed sides many times. I killed an entire alliance by becoming a head of the organisation and then seeding doubt before laying the final blow in a battle that ended any hopes of power. They were Sylph, they were unworthy. To sum up my experiences of EVE Online, its fucking great!

Why am I talking about EVE Online you may ask? Well, I recently finished Wing Commander III on 3DO and that got me talking about Star Citizen. Created by the very same man, Chris Roberts, but a very different experience. A very… incomplete experience with seemingly no end in sight. Be it a scam or other I leave that to you all to discuss away from me but I assure you, it shall never be the experience one can have within the EVE Universe, it won’t even be close and this saddens me beyond measure. I long for that experience again and know that it shall never come. Games can recreate it if they really wanted to but it is not just the desire that seems to be lacking it is also a lack of interest in the developers and publishers. EVE doesn’t make the kind of money that all these people seem to desire nowadays. It simply is not capable of making the quantity of money they feel they must make and deserve. The same goes for the vacuum that is Elite Dangerous, a content less game with a billion stars and nothing to do with them. You can defend games like ED, or you can just admit they are empty, dead experiences compared to the games that came before. The really sad thing is some gamers think this is OK. It isn’t.

What ever happened to gaming experiences that went beyond the pale? When did the ideal of open world nothingness where we controlled the narrative become the un-creative haven for the sad and desperate who just wish to make money? Why do we let them? Or more to the point why do YOU let them ruin the gaming experience of so many? Why do you sit and play mediocre with no demands? Yes, I do blame you, most of you. At some point you sat there numbed into submission, happy with your lot and we all are now paying the price. Are you satisfied now?

I sit here and look at the new releases and no longer wonder why Retrogaming is such a huge part of my life. I watch clone after clone of Ubi, EA and more as we reach “Game #7” in the same godamn series and watch you all praise them so highly and I pity those of us who warned you this would happen and yet… You don’t care. You have your game, you enjoy your game. You sit awaiting your day one patch. Your DLC highlights and skins. Your twitch stream after twitch stream of the same dross over and over and…

Fuck it. I am Maestro Ulv. I sit on the gates of space and await the moment you step through. You are locked and that rapid ping you hear is me watching you self destruct our gaming lifes.